Kim’s Thoughts

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Catching Up with the Spiders

How often do you tell a friend, “We should catch up!”?

That ubiquitous phrase “catch up” meaning that time is spent going over the highlights and lowlights of each other’s lives, having the brief overview that makes you feel that the friendship is still growing, evolving, connected.

Do you ever “catch up” with yourself?

How often do you take the time to talk to yourself, go over the highlights and lowlights?

A year ago tomorrow (5/22/18) I wrote an article about… spiders.

The spiders that live in the grass at my favorite camping spot. The place where Ben proposed, the site of my first multi-day backpacking trip, the place where I go to sit, to be, to catch up.

What does this have to do with writing?

Because in today’s “catch up” with an acquaintance/client, I realized how far life had moved since our last talk. How far I’d grown, what had changed. What priorities had fallen away and what had risen to the surface.

When she asked if I was still writing for people, I could confidently say, “I’m selective. I write for the right people.”

Right for me. The ones who, when I take on their voice and become The Ghostwriter, it feels good. Not that it feels NATURAL, but that I enjoy being them, exploring their thoughts, holding their Message as my own.

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Why I’ve Fallen Back in Love with My Kindle

When eReaders first came out, I was in the die-hard camp of paper over e-ink. I never thought I’d own an eReader, let alone really love it.

Frankly, I think I was blinded by the price tag. Almost $200 for the machine and $10 per book. A paperback was only $12 so why spend an extra two hundred bucks.

In the perfect storm of God’s plan coming together, my then-boyfriend started to encourage me to write “Kindle Shorts” and publish them on Amazon. I never did figure out exactly what a “Kindle Short” was, let alone how to get them into the marketplace, but a seed was planted.

For years, I’d been writing “eBooks” and “publishing” them through my website. It was a convoluted effort of making .pdf files and navigating off-brand e-commerce software and then tricking it into playing nice with the free version of PayPal. Sales were, if I was lucky, one per month.

So I was naturally and understandably skeptical of ebooks on Amazon.

Visiting that same then-boyfriend at his family’s home in Lubbock, we had the opportunity to have lunch with my aunt, who lived in the same city. My aunt surprised me with a choice: did I want a Kindle right-now-in-my-hand or she could order me a Nook.

I took the Kindle.

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Why Are You Holding on to Writing Your Book? (And SHOULD you be?)

Happy April!

While the first day of Spring might be in March, the calendar flipping to April always signifies the change in season to me. And any time the weather shifts, but especially when it’s getting warmer, I want to roll up my sleeves, tie a bandana over my hair, and get busy getting rid of old stuff.

One bit of old stuff is projects.

At this time of year, I ask myself:

What project am I carrying around that I’m never going to do?

(That can be anything from a writing project to a craft idea to a household improvement! For our purposes, we’re looking at PROJECTS, not chores.)

Now, in order to GET to that question – what am I carrying around that I’m never going to do? – I have to do some pre-work called:

What are all my projects?

You might call these “open loops” but at the end of the day, they’re the things that you see every day, that your brain catalogues, and that you are forcing yourself to ignore.

Where have I told myself, “Kim, you’re going to do that, make that, create that” and then didn’t keep that promise to myself?

Where have I started something, in good faith that I’d enjoy it, that I’d finish it, that it would bring beauty and meaning to the world, and never finished it?

Then I make a list. Quickly and without succumbing to the woulda-shoulda-coulda’s.

Now, I ask myself, with as much honesty as I can:

Kim, are you REALLY going to do this? And if you are, will you do with with joy and pleasure? Or is it guilt and obligation?

Let’s look at a concrete, non-writing example:

I had a box of yarn. At least a dozen skeins in different colors. And knitting needles. At least eight pairs in different sizes.

I only know how to make one thing: scarves. (I’m using that loosely. I can knit but not pearl so I flip the whole mess around when I need to go the other way!)

While I like scarves, I only have one neck. I’m not a skilled enough knitter to make NICE scarves for gifts. I have all this yarn and all these needles and I honestly don’t know the “right” way to match the two.

But here’s the real crux of it:

I haven’t knitted in at least five years. Maybe longer. I shuffled that big plastic box all around my storage room, always thinking of the money that was represented in that box. But when I have time to myself to do a project, I never ever thought, “Oh! I’d love to knit a scarf!”

I was carrying this project around well beyond its expiration date. During one season in my life, it did bring me joy and pleasure. Now… it was guilt.

So I pulled out just one skein of yarn to save and all the rest went to Goodwill with my blessings. That project, that creation, was never going to be created BY ME so this is a chance that it can be created by somebody else.

(Wondering why I kept one skein of yarn? Because you never know when you need string RIGHT NOW to tie something up. It’s got a practical use and has zero guilt attached to it.)

Also going out the door are an oil lamp I was never going to make, wax that will never become candles, and a pile of scrapbook supplies that will never become layouts. I made the windchime from the wooden spoons I’d been collecting. I sorted the card supplies I use to send cards to my clients. I threw out the dried up tub of air-dray clay and bought a fresh one because I have an immediate craft project I want to do.

So, as you start this task, start with the physical projects that you can see. The fabric, the paints, the glitter.

Hone your “Am I carrying this OLD STUFF with me?” decision bone on real, tangible project-related STUFF.

Because now comes the harder part…

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Want to be a better writer? Here’s what to read! (12 tips)

What to Read to Become a Better Writer: 12 Tips to Maximize Your Reading Efforts

Can I give you a truth bomb?

Reading books will make you a better writer.

In speaking with a colleague of mine just this morning, we had a conversation about how a client of hers wanted to become a better writer. Especially around having a more exciting and diversified vocabulary.

How do you learn more words?

You read.

A lot.

But you can’t just scroll through Facebook and call that reading. (Not even if you click through and read articles!)

Only reading social media (or the news or magazines or pop fiction) is like eating nothing but potato chips and expecting to be buff and healthy. To read to improve your writing, you need to read the RIGHT types of books! Here are 12 suggestions to expand your reading diet and noticeably impact your skills as a writer.

1. Don’t just read a single type or genre of book

Just like only eating noodles, only readying non-fiction business books isn’t a balanced reading diet. Read a variety of books: non-fiction and fiction, different genres. And don’t forget to read men and women authors!

2. Read the greats

Not everybody is in love with a “classic” or an author you “should” read. Here’s a hint: I’m not a Jane Austen fan! But there are great pieces of literature in all genres. You need to read the authors who have really mastered their craft and can make their words sing!

3. Read award winners

Liking a book is totally subjective. So if you’re stuck on where to start, I’d suggest working your way down a list of book award winners. These aren’t necessarily best sellers! They’re the books that the literary community says are excellent. I personally love the Newbery Award Winners – young adult novels.

4. Go back to a book you loved

Remember that book that moved you? The one that stuck with you? Read that one again! Figure out WHY you loved it so much. I have a list of my go-to books that I love to re-read. (And yes, some of them are kids or young adult books!)

5. Don’t force it!

I’ve tried Moby Dick about a dozen times. The last time was when Small Thing was just a few weeks old and I even tried to get into it by reading it aloud to him. For whatever reason, I just can’t get into it and I’ve always really wanted to read it. If you’re reading something you really can’t stand, you have my permission to find something else to read.

6. Force yourself to finish

Yep, I’m completely contradicting #5. See, I think there’s something to be said for forcing yourself to finish a book that just isn’t doing it for you. Figure out WHY you can’t get into it. What mistake is the author making that keeps you from being engrossed? Then you’ll know to avoid it in your own writing.

This is especially true in self-published books since so many of those authors didn’t invest in the right type of writing support and mentorship. I’m 73% of the way through a memoir right now (Kindle tells me how far along I am) and while the subject is engrossing, I HAD to put it down. I can’t take more of the same. This book would have been even better with better editing!

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Coming Back to the Basics – Where’s Your Home?

When I was in college, I was in love with a totally campy movie, “Center Stage”. It’s about a group of ballet dancers trying to make it into a dance company. And I can admit, even then, that it was kinda dumb.

But there’s this one scene …

The only Black female dancer, Eva, (played by Zoe Saldana) is addressed by her instructor (Donna Murphy) places her hand on the barre and says, “No matter what happened, if you come back here, you’ll be home.”

(I’m totally paraphrasing that!)

That scene always stuck with me. That every artist, dancer, writer, has a HOME out there in the creative-sphere. And when life, work, business get sideways, you can simply, go home.

Let me ask you:

Where’s your home?

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Finding the Story in the Chaos

It’s all a little … much

Dig deep.

Breathe.

Suck it up.

Get it done.

I’m done.

I’m done with it all. Well is dry. Battery is drained. Fridge is empty. Need a re-charge.

A good night’s sleep. The baby to sleep through the night. A spacious afternoon. A completely crossed-off to do list.

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Kindness and the Complaint Weasel

I’ve been thinking about kindness a lot lately. What it is and what it isn’t and why there isn’t more of it in our lives.

I’ve also been thinking about the Complaint Weasel. And why it is so easy to unleash him on the world.

I’ve come to the conclusion that kindness is a one-way street. It’s a street you travel, willingly and on purpose, but it’s not something you can expect from others.

Hear me out on this one …

When I worked in the tax office, by the time mid- to late-March rolled around, I was a basket case. Completely stressed to the max, surviving on caffeine and adrenaline. The work itself was stressful (hello, IRS!) and the office was busy. I dealt with nearly all of our 700 clients in either checking them in, checking them out, or preparing the taxes. I had contact with nearly every.single.client (and their spouses) at least once.

And every single client thought that THEIR taxes were the most important. And they were – to them.

Nobody seemed to realize that I was dealing with 700 returns (and about 1,000 PEOPLE!).

Do you see what I said there … dealing with.

I was rushed, hurried, harried, and often brisk.

The truth – I was stressed and emotional.

Imagine giving good people bad news – the refund wasn’t as big as they expected, they owed, your spouse or child or parent died – I’m sorry – I need the date of death and a death certificate please.

By mid-March, all I wanted was for somebody to SEE me. To see the person behind the stress. The person who really did care about them AND their taxes but just couldn’t find any more emotional bandwidth or strength to convey that. All I wanted was … kindness.

Don’t get me wrong! The clients weren’t horrible by any means. (Okay, with that many there are always a few meanies. But they’re the exception, not the rule!) It is that every one of them was stressed in their own right – about taxes and about who-knows-what else. And all that bled off onto me.

And I wanted kindness.

Now, let’s talk about the Complaint Weasel.

The Complaint WeaselThat’s the wiggly little creature that pops up when you’re on the phone with your bestie – venting, fussing, and yes, complaining.

It’s the endless parade of negativity, complaint, whining, nagging, and fussing that gets aired over and over and over and over. It’s the voice to the stress, the worry, and the fears.

And it’s like a CD on repeat – endlessly playing.

I realized that I was feeding my own Complaint Weasel too much. I was calling one of my besties, Martha, every.single.day. to complain about how stressed I am. Client deadlines. Client needs. Money woes and worries. Kiddo who won’t sleep. Kiddo who naps at the wrong moment. Husband who didn’t anticipate my every whim. My mom was too busy to come help me. Dog ate a stick on my carpet. People who drive too fast when we’re out for a walk. The wind. Clients not understanding me. Me not understanding them! Mean text messages. Fears. More stress.

On. And on. And on.

And then it hit me – all I’d been doing was calling her to complain. Barely asking about HER life and then digging into all my woes.

Not just letting the Complaint Weasel out for a romp but laying out treats and feeding him a gourmet meal!

I called and apologized. LISTENED more than I talked. We worked on her new business – for hours.

So where’s the intersection between kindness and the Complaint Weasel?

I think we’re all tired of the Complaint Weasel. Our own and everybody else’s. I think, deep down, we are tired of the bashing, the anger, and the meanness. We’ve got hair triggers – and we expect to be able to use them and have other people give us a pardon on it.

What if we were kind?

What if we recognized and remembered that we’re all facing crap?

That “terse” email or text message?

You can’t really understand the tone and caps for EMPHASIS might not be as emphatic as you’re thinking.

When you’re called out for something, it’s not as CALLED OUT as you might think. (Seriously, how much emphasis are you putting on that? Why?)

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