Kim’s Thoughts

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Kindness & the Complaint Weasel (2020)

This article first appeared in 2018. With all the horror that is going on in the world today, I thought it was appropriate to share.

Beyond anything else I want you to know two things:

1. Your Message Matters.

It matters to the world and it deeply matters to me.

2. I Love You.

I choose to only surround myself with kind, caring, most-of-the-time non-jerk people (Hey! We’re ALL jerks from time-to-time!) If you’re reading this, then YOU are a kind, caring, unlikely-to-be-a-jerk person. And I love you.

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Let’s talk about kindness…

I’ve been thinking about kindness a lot lately. What it is and what it isn’t and why there isn’t more of it in our lives.

I’ve also been thinking about the Complaint Weasel. And why it is so easy to unleash him on the world.

I’ve come to the conclusion that kindness is a one-way street. It’s a street you travel, willingly and on purpose, but it’s not something you can expect from others.

Hear me out on this one …

When I worked in the tax office, by the time mid- to late-March rolled around, I was a basket case. Completely stressed to the max, surviving on caffeine and adrenaline. The work itself was stressful (hello, IRS!) and the office was busy. I dealt with nearly all of our 700 clients in either checking them in, checking them out, or preparing the taxes. I had contact with nearly every.single.client (and their spouses) at least once.

And every single client thought that THEIR taxes were the most important. And they were – to them.

Nobody seemed to realize that I was dealing with 700 returns (and about 1,000 PEOPLE!).

Do you see what I said there … dealing with.

I was rushed, hurried, harried, and often brisk.

The truth – I was stressed and emotional.

Imagine giving good people bad news – the refund wasn’t as big as they expected, they owed, your spouse or child or parent died – I’m sorry – I need the date of death and a death certificate please.

By mid-March, all I wanted was for somebody to SEE me. To see the person behind the stress. The person who really did care about them AND their taxes but just couldn’t find any more emotional bandwidth or strength to convey that. All I wanted was … kindness.

Don’t get me wrong! The clients weren’t horrible by any means. (Okay, with that many there are always a few meanies. But they’re the exception, not the rule!) It is that every one of them was stressed in their own right – about taxes and about who-knows-what else. And all that bled off onto me.

And I wanted kindness.

Now, let’s talk about the Complaint Weasel.

The Complaint WeaselThat’s the wiggly little creature that pops up when you’re on the phone with your bestie – venting, fussing, and yes, complaining.

It’s the endless parade of negativity, complaint, whining, nagging, and fussing that gets aired over and over and over and over. It’s the voice to the stress, the worry, and the fears.

And it’s like a CD on repeat – endlessly playing.

I realized that I was feeding my own Complaint Weasel too much. I was calling one of my besties, Martha, every.single.day. to complain about how stressed I am. Client deadlines. Client needs. Money woes and worries. Kiddo who won’t sleep. Kiddo who naps at the wrong moment. Husband who didn’t anticipate my every whim. My mom was too busy to come help me. Dog ate a stick on my carpet. People who drive too fast when we’re out for a walk. The wind. Clients not understanding me. Me not understanding them! Mean text messages. Fears. More stress.

On. And on. And on.

And then it hit me – all I’d been doing was calling her to complain. Barely asking about HER life and then digging into all my woes.

Not just letting the Complaint Weasel out for a romp but laying out treats and feeding him a gourmet meal!

I called and apologized. LISTENED more than I talked. We worked on her new business – for hours.

So where’s the intersection between kindness and the Complaint Weasel?

I think we’re all tired of the Complaint Weasel. Our own and everybody else’s. I think, deep down, we are tired of the bashing, the anger, and the meanness. We’ve got hair triggers – and we expect to be able to use them and have other people give us a pardon on it.

What if we were kind?

What if we recognized and remembered that we’re all facing crap?

That “terse” email or text message?

You can’t really understand the tone and caps for EMPHASIS might not be as emphatic as you’re thinking.

When you’re called out for something, it’s not as CALLED OUT as you might think. (Seriously, how much emphasis are you putting on that? Why?)

Keep Reading!

Have You Ever had a Weird Day?

It was a weird day today, my friend.

Not a bad day.

But a weird one.

I woke up feeling… horrible. Like morning sickness and swung back for a second round – at six months pregnant. To add more stress to an already uncertain tummy, Small Thing was in a mood, I had to wake Ben up early, and oh… I had an important (virtual) speaking gig at 9:30 am.

A spoonful of honey and a call to the midwife – I’m probably just not eating often enough and my blood sugar is dipping. Chalk it up to yet another weird pregnancy symptom.

By 9:20 am I was in my office – makeup on, hair brushed, wearing a pretty new dress (not that you see much of it via Zoom, just my shoulders) – ready to pour into the attendees at the “Explode Your Audience Experience.” With TWO of my Diamond clients and my aunt in the audience, I knew I needed to knock it out of the park.

Just over an hour later…

I’m holding a ladder for my husband to crawl up on the roof. In 25 mile an hour winds. To put up his new weather station.

Did I nail my talk? I was really solid. (Hint: It’s damn good. Watch it here!)

But was I 100% happy with it? Nope. I felt I missed something important.

By 1:00 pm, I was battling my way through setting up a dreaded email re-engagement sequence.

Yep, weirdness overload. I was notified I had to get my people back into paying more attention to me STAT – or risk my entire CRM. Oh barf. Really? That’s really what I need to be doing today? This week?

The whole time, I was trying to pretend I was Katniss (yes, seriously) battling an enemy. Really, I was watching the rain sheet across my windows, noticed the temperature had dropped 40 degrees (thanks, newly installed weather station) And stewing because this was Not. On. The Plan.

Fight with tech. (Listen to thunder.)

Fight with tech. (WHY is there thunder in APRIL?)

Fight with tech. (Thunder is closer…)

By 1:30, Ben slipped in to tell me that the thunder wasn’t moving in closer, it was HERE. Shut down computer, talk to a client. Hush Small Thing in the background trying to feed me an invisible dinner, “You done working now, Mommy?”

By 3:45, the tech fight was over (I won.) Made three clients happy. Expressed my displeasure to my email software for HOW they handled this issue. (Made it clear that while I was happy to comply, their customer service regarding this sucked. Big time.)

Came out from the rabbit hole of tech, grateful for fresh air of the rest of the house.

“You done working now, Mommy?”

Keep Reading!

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Must-Have Resources for 2020

Today is the 53rd Tuesday of 2019! So to celebrate the last article of the year, I wanted to give you my top posts from the last SEVEN years.

As we progress from 2013 through 2019, I invite you to notice how my writing skills, voice, and style have changed and grown. It goes to show that no matter how much you write, writing more means you’ll write better!

2013

Should I Respond to an Amazon Review?
You’ve received a glowing review… or one that makes everything you’ve ever heard about Internet trolls seem tame. Do you respond? Find out >>> https://wp.me/p5dufQ-9y

Why You Should Keep A Business Journal
It’s the end of 2019, and I’ve been keeping business journals since 2003. To date, for this business (which is called On The Beach Publishing in the article) I’m on journal #22! Learn more about why (and how) to keep a business journal >>> https://wp.me/p5dufQ-af

 

2014

The Best Feeling
Discover what it feels like to hold your book in your hands for the very first time! Especially for you if you’re needing a boost to keep going – this is what the finish line feels like. Find out >>> https://wp.me/p5dufQ-az

5 Tips to Writing Back Jacket Copy
I still share this article with my authors today! When you’re ready to write the book’s description, you need to remember one thing: It’s Marketing Copy! Discover the other fours tips here >>> https://wp.me/p5dufQ-jL

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Are You Procrastinating or Are Your Tired?

I’ll admit it:

I’m not the best at “self-care.”

I do my best to eat well, sleep as much as I can, and move my bones every day.

I also do my best to not let clients down, meet my deadlines, and power through the regular case of the “I-don’t-wannas” that are part of the human condition.

It all begs the questions:

Just where IS the line between needing a rest-reboot and kidding yourself that watching another episode of “Fixer Upper” isn’t really just avoiding a looming project or impending deadline?

Here are the three questions I ask myself:

1. If I stopped working for the day, right now, would this keep me up at night?

If I get a “yes” to that question—no matter what time of day it is—then I set my timer for 20 minutes and get as much done as I can in that time frame. Sometimes, even when I’m tired, just getting STARTED brings me a burst of “get er done” energy.

And if I don’t that burst of energy, I sleep better knowing that I did SOMETHING to move it forward.

2. Do I need food? Water? A bathroom break?

Remember my motto: Eat, You’ll Feel Better. When I’m feeling like I need a rest-reboot, sometimes I really do need fuel! And maybe it’s just me, but I REALLY can’t think when I also need to pee.

When we’re looking at self-care, never underestimate your most basic needs!

3. Am I bone-deep tired?

This is the type of tired that has me cruising Pinterest looking at pictures of beaches. When I’m imagining myself on a lounge chair with a fruity drink and an ocean breeze, I know 100% that I’m done. It’s time to clock out for some R&R. (Hint: I don’t even LIKE beaches!)

This isn’t the type of tired that is fixed by a good night’s rest or a hit of caffeine. It’s the absolute knowledge that you need a vacation (whatever that looks like for you) and you need it NOW.

In that case, when you’re not just avoiding your writing project or are secretly trying to push through the fact that you’re hungry and thirsty, then it’s time for a real rest-reboot time frame.

Here’s the thing though:

Don’t binge watch Netflix and THINK you’re actually resting and rebooting your brain, your soul, and your creativity!

This is where you need to book yourself some real recharge time—and go do that!

Yes, it might be an afternoon in your home spa (aka, bathtub and fluffy robe) or it might be a day at a real spa (with a massage!)

For me, it’s getting out into nature. Doing a hike, going backpacking, looking at Big Scenery. Smelling the mountain air, laying in spider-filled grass, eating a smore. (Keep the beaches! The REAL Kim just isn’t into them!)

The only person who can really answer the question between rest-reboot and procrastination is you. But when you implement questions 1 & 2, you’ll kick the lethargy and procrastination to the curb.

P.S. In the days after this year’s live event… I’m tired. I’ve had a few days off, a massage, and a short hike. And… I’m still tired. I’ll be taking some more time off this weekend to recharge.

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Catching Up with the Spiders

How often do you tell a friend, “We should catch up!”?

That ubiquitous phrase “catch up” meaning that time is spent going over the highlights and lowlights of each other’s lives, having the brief overview that makes you feel that the friendship is still growing, evolving, connected.

Do you ever “catch up” with yourself?

How often do you take the time to talk to yourself, go over the highlights and lowlights?

A year ago tomorrow (5/22/18) I wrote an article about… spiders.

The spiders that live in the grass at my favorite camping spot. The place where Ben proposed, the site of my first multi-day backpacking trip, the place where I go to sit, to be, to catch up.

What does this have to do with writing?

Because in today’s “catch up” with an acquaintance/client, I realized how far life had moved since our last talk. How far I’d grown, what had changed. What priorities had fallen away and what had risen to the surface.

When she asked if I was still writing for people, I could confidently say, “I’m selective. I write for the right people.”

Right for me. The ones who, when I take on their voice and become The Ghostwriter, it feels good. Not that it feels NATURAL, but that I enjoy being them, exploring their thoughts, holding their Message as my own.

Keep Reading!

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Why I’ve Fallen Back in Love with My Kindle

When eReaders first came out, I was in the die-hard camp of paper over e-ink. I never thought I’d own an eReader, let alone really love it.

Frankly, I think I was blinded by the price tag. Almost $200 for the machine and $10 per book. A paperback was only $12 so why spend an extra two hundred bucks.

In the perfect storm of God’s plan coming together, my then-boyfriend started to encourage me to write “Kindle Shorts” and publish them on Amazon. I never did figure out exactly what a “Kindle Short” was, let alone how to get them into the marketplace, but a seed was planted.

For years, I’d been writing “eBooks” and “publishing” them through my website. It was a convoluted effort of making .pdf files and navigating off-brand e-commerce software and then tricking it into playing nice with the free version of PayPal. Sales were, if I was lucky, one per month.

So I was naturally and understandably skeptical of ebooks on Amazon.

Visiting that same then-boyfriend at his family’s home in Lubbock, we had the opportunity to have lunch with my aunt, who lived in the same city. My aunt surprised me with a choice: did I want a Kindle right-now-in-my-hand or she could order me a Nook.

I took the Kindle.

Keep Reading!

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Why Are You Holding on to Writing Your Book? (And SHOULD you be?)

Happy April!

While the first day of Spring might be in March, the calendar flipping to April always signifies the change in season to me. And any time the weather shifts, but especially when it’s getting warmer, I want to roll up my sleeves, tie a bandana over my hair, and get busy getting rid of old stuff.

One bit of old stuff is projects.

At this time of year, I ask myself:

What project am I carrying around that I’m never going to do?

(That can be anything from a writing project to a craft idea to a household improvement! For our purposes, we’re looking at PROJECTS, not chores.)

Now, in order to GET to that question – what am I carrying around that I’m never going to do? – I have to do some pre-work called:

What are all my projects?

You might call these “open loops” but at the end of the day, they’re the things that you see every day, that your brain catalogues, and that you are forcing yourself to ignore.

Where have I told myself, “Kim, you’re going to do that, make that, create that” and then didn’t keep that promise to myself?

Where have I started something, in good faith that I’d enjoy it, that I’d finish it, that it would bring beauty and meaning to the world, and never finished it?

Then I make a list. Quickly and without succumbing to the woulda-shoulda-coulda’s.

Now, I ask myself, with as much honesty as I can:

Kim, are you REALLY going to do this? And if you are, will you do with with joy and pleasure? Or is it guilt and obligation?

Let’s look at a concrete, non-writing example:

I had a box of yarn. At least a dozen skeins in different colors. And knitting needles. At least eight pairs in different sizes.

I only know how to make one thing: scarves. (I’m using that loosely. I can knit but not pearl so I flip the whole mess around when I need to go the other way!)

While I like scarves, I only have one neck. I’m not a skilled enough knitter to make NICE scarves for gifts. I have all this yarn and all these needles and I honestly don’t know the “right” way to match the two.

But here’s the real crux of it:

I haven’t knitted in at least five years. Maybe longer. I shuffled that big plastic box all around my storage room, always thinking of the money that was represented in that box. But when I have time to myself to do a project, I never ever thought, “Oh! I’d love to knit a scarf!”

I was carrying this project around well beyond its expiration date. During one season in my life, it did bring me joy and pleasure. Now… it was guilt.

So I pulled out just one skein of yarn to save and all the rest went to Goodwill with my blessings. That project, that creation, was never going to be created BY ME so this is a chance that it can be created by somebody else.

(Wondering why I kept one skein of yarn? Because you never know when you need string RIGHT NOW to tie something up. It’s got a practical use and has zero guilt attached to it.)

Also going out the door are an oil lamp I was never going to make, wax that will never become candles, and a pile of scrapbook supplies that will never become layouts. I made the windchime from the wooden spoons I’d been collecting. I sorted the card supplies I use to send cards to my clients. I threw out the dried up tub of air-dray clay and bought a fresh one because I have an immediate craft project I want to do.

So, as you start this task, start with the physical projects that you can see. The fabric, the paints, the glitter.

Hone your “Am I carrying this OLD STUFF with me?” decision bone on real, tangible project-related STUFF.

Because now comes the harder part…

Keep Reading!

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